I sure that you have heard that the 13th, when it falls on a Friday is very UNLUCKY or has a very bad connotation. I've been thinking about this for a while and lets visit it shall we?
About 2 -3 months ago my mother asked me to participate in an event that she was preparing at our church.
I told her yes, not knowing that it was falling on Friday the 13th. Even though I'm sure she told me the exact day and time when she asked me to play piano at the event. The event was our pastor's anniversary celebration which we usually have on the Friday before the Sunday that we will normally celebrate this occasion.
The PAST
As a matter of fact. I participated in it last year and didn't really like it so much. When I say I didn't like it so much I am referring to my playing not the whole event. The whole event last year rocked! I enjoyed the singers and the musicians and the others who participated in whatever form or fashion that they felt to participated. As a matter of fact I just like the crowd that showed up to the event.
That year however, I didn't like my playing. ONE I was using the piano of the church and the guy before me set up his 3 massive speakers(in a triangle formation) right and I mean right in front of the church piano. So I couldn't see anybody from where I was. Why didn't he place them on the other side of this small church interior or take them down after he finished? Well he couldn't because he had 3 massive speakers on the other side of the room as well. And take them down, NO they are massive and people usually take down there equipment when the whole thing is over when it's really heavy.
Another reason why I didn't enjoy my performance. Hmmmmm, I am not used to playing in front of people, because I haven't had to do recitals and concerts for years, so I'm a bit self conscious of my playing. To add to it the church piano as I found out while playing my song was a little out of tune which threw me off and made me not take the repeat of my song, which made my song EXTREMELY short. As I was playing I was thinking why does it sound like this... and I didn't concentrate on what I was doing... kind of like giving a speech in front of people and wondering what you will have for dinner that night. After I finished this my aunt was like, "oh that was nice baby, I was just starting to enjoy that... that was nice, but very short".
FAST FORWARD TO THE 13th ----> Friday that is
Keep in mind that I'm a bit self conscious of my playing and with me not practicing for the event the day before and very little that day I got a little uncomfortable with playing in front of a full house. Even though it was a small church it was packed, and to add to that, with people I grew up with and knew through the church... SO I got there a little late(which builds on the "OMG factor") sat beside my aunt in the back and signed the sheet.
Well the sheet wasn't a sign-in sheet, no no my friend. It was a sign-up sheet to perform. Well after hearing the people making a joyful noise, the same guy and two singing girls performing together from last year with his MASSIVE speakers all in front of the piano again... AHHHH that brought back memories. So I was getting ready to tell my aunt to take me off the list, but I didnt' want to talk to her while they were preforming so when they got done before she announced the next act, I was trying to tell her. But some guy who was filming the whole event, asked her to move to the front....
So with her getting escorted to the front right then, not even getting her purse, I guess I missed my "window"(opportunity). Well usually this doesn't happen to me, but I felt so afraid of performing and I got to the point that I just didn't want to do it. I don't know if it was just being plain scared or if it was more of like I didn't want to be the guy who gets up and messes up the perfect night.
So after that announced act, I went up front between acts and told her I wasn't ready to perform. Way before she was to call my name and then before the whole event was over I left early due to the shame of letting my Mom down. I said I'd do something and I didn't do it! If you know me you know how much I am a man of my word and can't stand when people can't keep theirs... especially when they don't even let me know and just avoid me... that can be a blog in itself. FYI - I did tell my Mom I wouldn't perform.
So on the shameful ride home, I am listening to this Christian radio station. And this guy is talking about his son.The guy has delexia and sometime has trouble reading things. And he tells us a time about when he is reading to his son. As he is reading a bed time story to his son he begins to move parts of the book around and his son notices and saids to him something along the lines of "No Dad that's not how the story goes..." in a non judgemental fashion.
And the guy says right then he says he didn't think his son would notice his delexia so early in his life (the son is just about seven; new to reading). And then the Dad goes into a spill about him wanting to be perfect for his son.
Then he says but not much in life/this world is perfect, only one thing to be exact, Jesus.
So I guess I should have just played and even if I felt I ruined the event maybe I wouldn't have. I feel like at the most I owe at least my Mom an apology... I think I will the next time I see her(even though I don't think she really will be upset with me, but I still feel the need to do it anyway).
Thanks for going back to that dark scary night with me.
-Johnny
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